I'm just THAT good!

     After I wrote the post the other day about my Endocrinologist appointment being August 15, I decided that I would take a chance and begin bugging the doctors office about getting me in sooner.  When I called, I expected to hear that there were no new openings that I could get into, but that was NOT the case.  

     I told the lady on the phone my name, and when my appointment was, and that I wanted to see if there was an earlier time I could get in to see the doctor.  She asked me to wait a minute while she looked my file up.  It seemed like her search for open appointments went on and on, but finally I heard her voice.  She said, "I can get you in June 15 at 8:15."  I immediately (practically before she finished talking) blurted out, "I'll take it!!!"  She laughed and said, "you really wanted a closer appointment, didn't you?", and I said "yes, yes I did". 

     So, my Endocrinologist appointment was bumped up almost 9 weeks!!!  How cool is that?!?!  Now I only have to wait another 2 and 1/2 weeks for my appointment instead of almost 3 months.  

     I started Provera (again) yesterday.  For Luke's sake, I hope they get things straightened out and the Lord does a miracle in my body.  I don't know how many more months of EXTRA hormones raging through my body either of us can handle!

I think the picture below says it all!

I'm getting anxious!

While many of you ladies are in the midst of your TWW (two week wait), I am in the beginning of my 11ww.  Yes, I said 11.  The doctors office called, and I can't get into the Endocrinologist until August 11.  Although, the nurse said that I could call anytime and see if they have an opening before then.  So, I've decided that I'll call twice a week to see if I can get bumped up by at least a month!  It's worth the try, right?  I think so!  I bet the nurses at my doctors office are glad that I won't be calling them until after my Endocrinologist appointment.  I probably call them at least once (maybe twice) a week for something (and I'm not even pregnant yet).  Bless their hearts.  They're always so kind and patient with me.  

So, while I'm (im)patiently waiting for the Endocrinologist appointment, I've been ordered to take another two rounds of Provera.  The doctor said he didn't want AF to stop since she's been around the past 4 months (which NEVER happens).  Although Provera sends me into irrational rants, I believe it's a good choice to stay on it. 

I'll keep you updated on whether or not I get into the Endo sooner.  

Later!

Alicia Marie

*Dun*Dun*Dun*

I finally got a call from the nurse at Dr. M's office....Let's just say I am NOT a happy camper right now. 

The blood work they took on Monday came back abnormal, so now I have to see and Endocrinologist.  Supposedly I can't get any more fertility meds until they figure out the underlying problem with my hormones.  So, the nurse said she was going to call the endocrinologists office first thing Monday morning to set up and appointment for me to see him.  I was okay with that until she said the following words, "I'm just warning you, it usually takes a long time to get into the endocrinologist.  It'll probably be July or August before they can get you in."  Talk about jaw hitting the floor!  I waited 3 rounds of Provera to get the U/S that he promised me, and now I have to wait another 2-3 months to see the endocrinologist???!!!  I was/am N-O-T happy.  I told the nurse that the doctor said that if I don't get on any meds before the 28th that he said they would prescribe Provera again so that AF would keep showing up on a monthly routine.  So, at least she agreed to that.

So, let's recap:

• I won't get into the Endocrinologist for another 2-3
• Chances are they'll put me on meds for another 2-3 months to fix (currently) unknown problem with my hormones
• Hopefully I'll get to go back to the GYN after hormones get fixed.
• So let's do the math:
• (aprox) 2.5 + (approx) 2.5= (approx) 5 months before I can get on more meds to help me ovulate.

I think it's time we check for male factor infertility too.  If it comes back that there are issues with both of us, I just want to start the adoption process.

This is too much

Overwhelming. 

I don't want to talk about it any more.

Cycle 3

Although I reported previously that I have felt at peace this cycle more than any other, that statement is quickly turning around.  I'm now on day 30 with no BFP or AF.  I called the doctors office yesterday just to talk to them about this past month.  I've had some super side effects from the Provera that I didn't have the other two months.  After I wrote down the list of "side effects" from the medicine, I looked back at them and couldn't believe how much they resemble pregnancy symptoms.  Here's the list.

1. EXTREME fatigue
2. Unexplained dizziness (which lead to nausea)
3. Itchiness (where my arm and chest meet--I could/cannot stop scratching)
4. Hunger that is breaking the bank
5. Urinating every 2 hrs--pretty much on the hour (normally I can go 6 hrs without my visit, and no I didn't drink any more than normal)

It's crazy for me to look at this list because they are all typical symptoms of pregnancy, but I have not gotten a BFP (except for the 29th of April).  I did ask the nurse if the medicine would cause a false positive, and she said no.  The weird thing is I received an instant BFP the second cycle of Provera too, but I could never get another one after that.  It's incredibly strange to me, but I'm having to take it with a grain of salt.

The nurse told me that if AF shows up anytime before next Tuesday to call immediately so we can set up an ultrasound within day 5-9 of my next cycle.  Also, she said that if AF DOESN'T show up by next Tuesday to call then and she'll have to talk to Dr. M about what to do next because they give a 10 day window after coming off Provera for AF to start.  She said if I am pregnant, I wouldn't have any BFP's until next week.  So, we'll see.  My guess is that AF will show up around day 8 of the 10 day wait which will fall on Sunday.

Below is a picture of how I examine every HPT that I take.  Yes, I tilt my head, I tilt the stick, I squint my eyes...don't think I'm crazy, I just want to make sure I'm seeing things correctly.

Around and around we go!

I feel like a merry-go-round at the fair....almost as if I'm going round and round in circles, but I'm not getting anywhere important.  

Today begins round 3 of Provera.  I pray that this is the last time I have to take this medicine and that this cycle is the one that will allow us to become parents (to be).  If not, Lord, I'll praise you through ANOTHER storm (month) and so on until your will for our lives is fulfilled! 

The not-so-proactive pregnancy pill--Provera!

Well, after the talk I had with the nurse today, it looks like I will be doing another two cycles of Provera.  They are "hoping" that the next two cycles of Provera will program my body to start periods on its own and become "regular".  Birth control never regulated me, so I have suspicions about this medicine.  It agitates me that instead of having me come back into the office, the doctor ordered two more cycles of Provera before he'll see me again.  That's another three more months before I can find anything new out about my problem.  Last time I had talked to him he said he was going to put me on the meds and then have me come back in for an ultrasound.  At least the ultrasound would be proactive in achieving pregnancy.  I just don't see this medicine as proactive. 

So, I'm stuck another three months with slim chances of getting pregnant.  GREAT!  That's EXACTLY what I was wanting to hear from the doctor....NOT! 

I called my mom today to tell her what the doctor said and before I knew it I was a blabbering ball bag.  I just cried and cried and cried to my mom (I think I had her crying in the process too).  I hate who I was on Provera.  That medicine turned me into the wife I couldn't recognize.  I was incredibly hormonal.  I went from one emotion to the next before I even realized I didn't feel the same as I had the minute before.  It was ridiculous.  I felt sorry for Luke, but I couldn't help it.  I cried to my mom about how angry it made me that I was having to put Luke through all this too.  I mean, I'm the wife.  I'm supposed to be able to bear children.  It's supposed to be something natural and easy to do.  Apparently that's not the case for me.  As I explained to my mom earlier, I've always had to work hard for the things I wanted to achieve in life.  Why does this have to be one of the things that I have to work hard for?  It's supposed to come naturally.  I shouldn't have to seek help from a doctor in order to get pregnant, but I am.

This is my life now

The life of a young married woman who has trouble conceiving a child. 

Dear Provera

Dear little pill I have to take for ten days,

Please give me my mind back.  I've been nothing but an emotional wreck since you've come into my life.  I have entertained every emotion possible within the last 24 hours.  I'd appreciate it if I could go back to being in control of my emotions so I don't seem incredibly happy one minute, and the next minute I'm chewing my husbands head off and spitting him back out!  You've got me saying things that I don't understand...It's kinda just like Lady GaGa's songs, a whole bunch of words are coming outta my mouth, but I (and everyone else involved) have NO idea what I'm saying!

I'm glad we've had this talk now because had I not said this now, I might not be so kind later (you know--because of you)!


Thanks!
Alicia Marie