A change is coming

Oh, goodness. Life. Life is a funny thing. Usually for me, life never goes as planned,  but recently I've been examining my crazy, chaotic life and realized that my life has turned out almost exactly how I wanted. 

With our future as a family looking bright, I can't help but be excited about what is to come.

As always, I can't give many details, but know I will be updating with a longer post soon.

I hope you're all well.
Love me,
Alicia Marie

Biggest Fears

Everyone has something that they're afraid of.  Whether it's big or small, we all have SOMETHING we fear (or worry about). 

Here is my list of my top 5 fears.

1. Loosing my husband, other family, or friends to death or anything else that this world throws at me.
2. Not becoming a mother.--It really has always been a HUGE fear in my life.  I always knew I'd get married, but being a mother I have no control over.
3. Hurting people unknowingly.--I would never want to hurt ANYONE, especially on purpose, but I'm always so cautious to give my opinions because I'm afraid of hurting someone.
4. Not accomplishing God's will for my life. (this should be number one)--I'm constantly wondering if the things I feel led to do are REALLY of God, or if it's an underlying desire of my heart.
5. Dying and leaving behind hurting family--The death part I'm not afraid of, it's the fact that I know I'll leave behind family and friends that love me and will hurt them by being gone from Earth forever.

What are YOUR fears in life?  Please feel free to comment back or even write a blog post about your fears in life.  

Love,

Alicia Marie

Storms of Life

The other night as storms were rolling through,  I laid in my bed thinking about my life.  The past, the present and even what the future is going to hold.  The rain was flowing off of our roof, the thunder was rolling over our house, and lighting was flashing through the blinds in our room.  As I was recalling the past, the Lord placed something in my mind which quickly set into my heart for assurance.

Just like a storm, situations in life slowly creep up on you as things in life seem calm, shake your world up, and slowly dissipate.  That thought had me realize how true it is in my life.  Just when things seemed like everything was okay, my world was calm and nothing was going on, out of no where a new storm in my life arose.  Sure, for a while, it shook my world, but as time passed so did the storm of life.  I'm so thankful that I have a Lord who is with me all the time, especially during those storms in my life.

My current storm, as you know, is trying to become pregnant.  Of course, right now my world is beginning to shake, but I know one day this storm will be over.  I look forward to the day that I can rejoice in knowing that I have a child to call my own.  Until then, Lord, I will praise You in this storm!  

If I could write to the 16 yr old me, this is what I would say....

*This post was inspired by*
http://dustoffyourwings.blogspot.com/

Dear 16 yr. old Alicia Marie,

I could tell you everything that you're going to do in life, but I would never want to re-write your entire past because that is what makes you into the beautiful and talented woman you will be.  Although, there are a few things I'd like you to know in order to save you some hassle and hurt down the road.  So, here it goes.

Don't get caught up in that relationship with that one boy.  Heck, don't even date him.  Especially, don't let him convince you that he wants you instead of the girl he's been dating for two years.  He eventually breaks up with you after a year, and you'll move on even though it will hurt.  You're not going to go to UCA to be with that one guy either, so stop trying to fight your parents tooth and nail over this issue.  The Lord has a BETTER university for you to attend where you will meet friends who invest POSITIVELY into your life.

Also, don't run back to your "first love" every time he tells you he still loves you.  He may, he may not, but you'll never really know.  But trust me, you will get SO much more out of life if you STAY CLEAR of him!  Trust me, you may think a part of you will always love him, but that's not true.  You WILL find someone who will sweep you off your feet and never let you fall.  So please please please DON'T even give him the chance to tell you he's still in love with you because you WILL regret it!!!

In order to help yourself in the future, you must help yourself now.  STUDY!  STUDY!  STUDY!  Those three words will be something that you REALLY have to work at when you get to college, so LEARN NOW!

Don't compete so hard with that one girl in your Symphonic Band and Jazz Choir.  You're great at what you do.  Use her talents to help you push yourself, but don't make it a constant competition.  One day you two will go your own ways and those competitions between you two will no longer be important.  Plus, all that hard work you do to make region and state will NOT help you get into a college because the college you will one day attend doesn't care about that kind of stuff. 

Sing in church more often.  There is a great opportunity for you in the future, so get over your nervousness of singing in front of people now.  Trust me, this will help you a lot.

Cherish the next few months with your Granny.  She won't be around much longer, and she would love to see you every day.  When you're not spending time with your Granny, spend the rest with your Memaw and Poppie.  Your Poppie will only be around another 3 years, but you're going to college in a year and you will not see him as often.  You will regret not spending time with him, like you should have, after he's gone.  So just do it. Even though it may replace something "cool" you had planned, nothing will ever replace your Poppie after he's gone.

For goodness sake, Alicia, don't be so mean to your sister.  She really does love you.  She looks up to you more than you will ever know.  She will miss you when you're gone to college, so invest in her life while you can because you won't always have the opportunity to be there for her. 

Please, always remember that dream the Lord gave you years ago at Church Camp.  This dream will reveal itself to you in years to come.  You will take your first missions trip to Venezuela where the Lord will use someone to speak to you and tell you that you are with "your people".  You will NEVER forget that night and will always have a burning heart for missions.

You are BEAUTIFUL!  Don't let any of those dumb high school kids tell you any different.  So what you're bigger than them.  You have more compassion and love for people than they'll ever have.  Even though you will never be invited to any of the "cool" parties, you're better off!  The ones who attend those parties are the ones who will get pregnant right after high school and be in relationships that will never last.  They will search for years trying to figure out why their life is so bad all while drinking their lives away.  You're better than that!

Your love for children will never go away.  In fact, it will get stronger and stronger.  The Lord has placed that desire in your heart and ONE DAY your desire will be granted.  I (as the 21 yr old you), unfortunately, can not say that this desire has be fulfilled yet, but am believing it will be.

Cherish your family.  They're not so bad after all.  One day you will rid yourself of that "horrible" last name (Partridge) and will wish you hadn't despised the name.  Your family loves you and supports you even when you think they don't care.  Family is important, so always cherish it because one day you will have a family of your own and it will need to be important then too.

Most of all, always cherish yourself!  You are beautiful (inside and out).  You are talented and can accomplish so much more than you ever give yourself credit to be able to do.

Sweet Alicia, just always remember that the Lord is there even when it feels like you're all alone in this world.  He WILL see you through.  Let him be the lamp unto your feet and the light unto your path and EVERYTHING will be OK because HE is in control.    

With all my love and future knowledge,

The 21 yr old you,

Alicia Marie

The 16 yr. old Alicia Marie

The 21 yr. old Alicia Marie

...and the testing begins....

Yes, this week at Evangel University we're taking midterms, but the testing I'm referring to is NOT school related.  In fact, it's the testing that scares me more than any written exam.  Fertility testing.

I got a call from the doc's office today, and the nurse told me that the doctor ordered me to start a ten day cycle of Provera to try and kick start ovulation.  This scares me beyond anyone's comprehension.  It's starting to feel SUPER real to me now.  I may be the girl who can't have kids of her own.  That's one of my worst fears, and with every day that goes by, that fear seems to surface even more and brings itself to life.

I honestly don't want to go through fertility treatments.  Emotionally, I don't know if I could handle it.  I know you may be thinking to yourself that it hasn't gotten that far, but I'm a planner.  I like to plan what I'm going to do given certain situations.  So, over and over I play these horrible scenarios through my mind in hopes that I'll be prepared when/if they happen.    

I guess I really have no option in the matter of fertility.  This is who I am.  Either I can produce a child, or I can't.  This is how God designed me.  Like it or not, I'm that girl.