Monday, February 28, 2011

...and the testing begins....

Yes, this week at Evangel University we're taking midterms, but the testing I'm referring to is NOT school related.  In fact, it's the testing that scares me more than any written exam.  Fertility testing.

I got a call from the doc's office today, and the nurse told me that the doctor ordered me to start a ten day cycle of Provera to try and kick start ovulation.  This scares me beyond anyone's comprehension.  It's starting to feel SUPER real to me now.  I may be the girl who can't have kids of her own.  That's one of my worst fears, and with every day that goes by, that fear seems to surface even more and brings itself to life.

I honestly don't want to go through fertility treatments.  Emotionally, I don't know if I could handle it.  I know you may be thinking to yourself that it hasn't gotten that far, but I'm a planner.  I like to plan what I'm going to do given certain situations.  So, over and over I play these horrible scenarios through my mind in hopes that I'll be prepared when/if they happen.    

I guess I really have no option in the matter of fertility.  This is who I am.  Either I can produce a child, or I can't.  This is how God designed me.  Like it or not, I'm that girl.

3 comments:

  1. Alicia,
    God is an awesome God. While he may have not seen it fit to make it easy for you to have a child, he did see it fit to give us amazing advancements in technology that allow women to have children who might not be able to otherwise.
    keep your chin up. It will happen, and you will be an awesome mommy. Maybe God just wants you top adopt a little asian kid first :)
    Amberly

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'll be praying for you. ;) I hope everything will turn out awesome.

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  3. It will all fall into place when its time! Sometimes the best gifts aren't planned at all! :)

    ReplyDelete

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