This blog is solely written to convey the many thoughts and feelings I, Alicia Marie, experience throughout my day to day life. Along the way, I hope to bring my readers something they can relate to. My purpose is to make people smile, and to cry (tears of joy, that is), and to make them feel like they're not alone in this world.
Let me start off by saying that I feel as if I've dropped off the bloggy grid lately. We've been having a wonderful Christmas in Arkansas. There have been lots of food, laughs, and even some tears over the last few days. Here's a quick run through of what we've fit into the past 4 days.
We weren't supposed to leave for Arkansas until Friday morning, but I decided that I didn't want to deal with holiday traffic, so after working a 9 hour day, we went to dinner with my mother in law and went home and packed up the car. We ended up leaving town the second time at 10 p.m. (we originally left sooner, but we had to turn around and get one of the presents we forgot!). We probably saw a total of 20 cars on our side of the road during the 4.5 hour drive! Even though there were times that I had to drive with me eyes like this...
We made it safely to my parents house at 3 in the morning on Friday!
Friday night we went Christmas caroling with my parents church. Originally we had a list of 10 places to go caroling to, but the list grew to about 14 by the time we were finished. We started at 6:45 and didn't get back to the church until 10. Luke and I were EXHAUSTED, but seeing the look on the little elderly faces was enough to get us through the long night. As soon as we got back to my parents house, Friday night, Luke and I crashed. We were so tired!
Does this gross anyone else out like it does me?!?! Yuck!
For some reason I've not been able to sleep lately, so I woke up at 3 in the morning on Saturday. I tried to go back to sleep, but it just wasn't going to happen. While the entire house was sound asleep, I grabbed my cell phone and stalked caught up on some of my facebook friends. Around 5 a.m. Luke woke up and we turned on the television and waited for my family to wake. A few hours passed and finally they started to wake up! We all had to be ready for Christmas #1 at my aunts house, with my moms extended family, at 10:30. We left Christmas #1 around 1 p.m. and then headed back to my parents house for a few minutes before departing for Christmas #2. #2 was with my dads extended family. We have not had all of the family together for at least 8 years, so it was nice to see everyone again. The cool thing about my dads extended family is that I still have TWO great grandparents alive. I'm 22 years old now, and I still have great-grandparents! Not many people are blessed enough to be able to say that! My great grandparents are both in their 90's and we wanted to get everyone together at least one more time, just in case something happened to one or both of them (not that we want it to by any means!). Here are my great-grandparents!
After leaving Christmas #2, we headed back to my parents house. Luke, my sister and myself watched an episode of The Big Bang Theory before heading to bed at 10 (we LOVE that show!!!). Of course we went to bed early so that "Santa" could come because we ALWAYS get up at an ungodly hour REALLY early to see what "Santa" brought us. This year, my sister woke us up at 1 in the morning. Yeah, I said it. ONE in the morning! So, we opened presents. Now is the part where I explain my title by saying that I got a snuggie....
like this one!
The best part is....IT HAS A POCKET! Only the Lord knows what kind of chocolates I can hide from my husband now! Bahahaha....hahaha....ha! *cue the cute yet ohh sooo evil baby laugh*
All of you blanket-wearing-no-pocket-having people out there...be jealous. Be very jealous!
After opening presents, we went back to bed for a few hours and then woke in order to make it to church by 10:30. When church was over, we headed back home in order to prepare for our regular Christmas eve dinner (which was moved to Christmas day) that consisted of steak, potatoes, rolls, salad, pies, etc. Mmmmmmmmmm! Talk about good eatin'! (yeah, that's how they say it here in Arkansas!)
After the Christmas eve day get together at my parents house, we've not done much of anything. We've slept, ate leftovers, played Wii, ate more leftovers, watched tv, ate even more leftovers. Well, I think you get the picture. I think we've eaten enough food to send us into a food induced coma. I'm stuffed. We're all stuffed. I guess I've eaten so much the past few days because I know that when I go back to my everyday life in Springfield, we won't have good food like this. Heck, Luke will be lucky to get a decent home cooked meal within the next few weeks. As I said before, I'm very much undomesticated.
We're heading back to Missouri on Wednesday (tomorrow). I'm not sure what time we'll get back home, but I'll be catching up on blog reading over the next few days! I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas holiday and are looking forward to the New Year! I can't believe how fast 2011 went despite how slow it felt!
Ever since our arrival in Arkansas late Thursday night, we've been very busy! We've had three family Christmases already, and that's not counting the one tonight! I've seen more family in the last few days than I have in the last few years! I'll admit, it is nice to be with my family again. I've missed them so much, and I know the feelings are mutual, too!
I hope that everyone is having a wonderful Christmas with the ones they love!
I'm definitely NOT into the whole Fa-la-la-la-la's of this year's Christmas season. Honestly, if it were up to me, I'd acknowledge and be thankful for the birth of Christ, but other than that there wouldn't be any celebrations. If I were able to see my parents more often, I'd opt out of going to their house, and I'd stay home in bed. I would eat chocolate until my broken heart seemed content, and I would watch the Criminal Minds marathon that comes on every Sunday.
As I tried explaining, through tears, to Luke last night....I just don't want to do anything. This whole anti-social part of me doesn't only show up when a holiday rolls around. It's all the time. Seriously. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere, and I definitely don't want to be around people.
I think I've come to the conclusion that it is BEYOND time for me to see a counselor. I can't seem to get out of this slump. There's so many things I need to work through in order to feel like a normal, loving human being again. They say the first step is admitting that one has a problem, so here I am. I have a problem. Heck, I have a lot of problems. I have no issue with admitting that, but my biggest problem is one that I cannot do anything about. I cannot magically make a baby, like so many others it seems, just by having sex. It's not possible.
I have been telling myself for months now that I am ready for 2011 to be over, but last night I got to thinking about it. Aunt Flo visited me Thanksgiving morning, and since I'm already on day 6 of Provera, its very likely that she will, once again, visit me on another holiday. Yeah, I'm pretty much heartbroken. Holiday's are hard enough as it is. This time last year I was so hopeful that this Christmas I would be bringing a baby with us for the holidays, but NO! Not this year. Anyway, if AF shows up on Christmas, that means that I will be ringing in the new year with the ever so painful reminder that I am defective, and childless. Isn't that the PERFECT way to start off a new year?
I'm sorry for this depressing post. Really, I am. I just....*sigh*. I want so badly to be a mother. I know everything happens in God's timing, but sometimes it feels like his clock is off because if it had been working properly, it would have already happened for me! I would have already been a mom. Unfortunately, I know that's not how it really works, but sometimes I wish it did.
This isn't true, and when I read it, it made me incredibly angry. I'm trying my hardest, with everything I have, to create the life my heart is yearning for. Unfortunately for me and many others, it's not as easy as people think. If only I had the power to speak things into existence....
You know those people who leave their Christmas lights on their house year round? Or those people who leave their Christmas decorations and tree up in their house until it's almost time to put them back up for the next year? Well, I have ALWAYS thought "those" people were ridiculous, lazy (maybe), or just SUPER busy.
This year, WE are "those people". Here's a few pictures of what "those people" haven't put away yet (keep in mind these were taken tonight).
Don't judge us, we have a life! :)
This is our tree. It's been up since November. It's been up so long that the bottom limbs of the tree are coming off and some of the ornaments are off too. Ha!
Yes! Those are our stockings. The one on the left is my husbands not mine!
