A heavy heart....

Today was difficult.  I feel like my heart has been ripped into a million pieces.  If you care to know why, continue reading.

1. Today was my (favorite) church pianist's last day.  She's been playing at our church approximately 11 years, and I've been around her for the past two.  I've grown to love her, and she is a VERY dear friend of mine.  I basically held it together during the services, but as I told her goodbye in the parking lot tonight, tears began to flow down my cheeks.  I knew this day was coming, but I couldn't keep from getting emotional.  Not only has Pam been an amazing pianist to me during my days of leading worship, she has been an immense blessing to me.  She always has the most positive things to say to me to build me up in faith.  She's been there for me through my highs and lows, and I'm so appreciative of her.  I know you're reading this, Pam, and I want you to know grateful and blessed I feel to have you in my life!
2. Life is changing for me.  For Luke AND myself.  Decisions are being made that will possibly change my future, and it's scary.  I worry about what path this will lead us down.  If there's anything I dislike more than vegetables, it's not knowing what my future holds!  Stay tuned for the new update on our latest decision!  You're gonna wanna sit down to read it!
3. I wrote a blog a week or so ago about feeling like there's something greater out there for me.  I still feel this way.  The only difference is that the feeling has intensified.  I can't seem to shake off this feeling that I have.  I go to bed thinking about it and what could happen.  I wake up in the mornings thinking about it, too.  It seems to be a part of me that goes every where I go, yet it's so far away from me.  I can't pinpoint exactly what it is just yet, but I hope that I find out soon.  I'm going crazy.  Considering I'm the queen of Google (I Google everything!), I wish I could type in a few phrases, and it would tell me exactly what's going on with me and exactly what to do about it!

Well, before this post gets entirely depressing, I'd like to say how thankful I am that I'm blessed with such amazing, supportive, and loving friends!  I'm blessed beyond all measure!  As I've been reminded lately, "You're loved and cherished!"

As Love Is My Witnes...

I know I haven't been updating my blog much, and for that I'm sorry.  Lately I've been taken back to my junior high days where I searched high and low for some of the best love songs around.  I know this may be childish, but I've always been fond of love songs (I listen to Delilah, too!)  As you can guess, this post is about a new song that I found.  It's actually not a new one, but it's just new to me.  Enjoy.

As Love Is My Witness

Once in a lifetime
You look in someone's eyes
And it feels like the world stops
Turning at once

Well, that's what it felt like for me
I knew right away this day would be
Standing together, believing forever
Is there in our reach

As love is my witness I swear
I'll be with you 'til the end
Nothing can tear this love apart
I'll put my hand upon my heart

This is the promise I make to you
Whatever comes we'll see it through
Nothing can break it, feeling's too strong
As love is my witness

We've both known sorrow
We have known heartache
When our dreams for tomorrow
Seemed so far away

But that brought us closer, yeah
It brought us together
So that we'd know the real thing
That's why I can say

As love is my witness, I swear
I'll be with you 'til the end
Nothing can tear this love apart
I'll put my hand upon my heart

This is the promise I make to you
Whatever comes we'll see it through
Nothing can break it, this feeling's too strong
As love is my witness

I know whatever comes to be
Together we'll face the mystery
Here in my heart, deep in my soul
Somehow I know, I know

As love is my witness I swear
I'll be with you 'til the end
Nothing can tear this love apart
I'll put my hand upon my heart

This is the promise I make to you
Whatever comes we'll see it through
Nothing can break it, the feeling's too strong
As love is my witness

Nothing can break it, this feeling's too strong
As love is my witness

Blessed!

I may not go out with my friends here in Springfield like I should, or at all, but I have to admit something.  I have some of the best internet friends that I could ever ask for.  You ladies and gents have made me incredibly happy over the past few months.  You've been so supportive, and for that I'm truly thankful!

The Lord has put certain people in my life during specific seasons that I believe He knew would help build me up in faith, friendship, and love.  As I went throughout the day today ( the 2 year anniversary of Poppie's passing), I was given reminders that built me up emotionally.  I was reminded that though I am weak, I am strong.  I am beautiful and I loved.  I was also reminded that love knows no boundaries, and friendship is an everlasting bond.

I've realized that some of the best friends I've had were ones that I rarely see, yet their friendship and love for me transcends beyond the distance between us.  I will never understand what I have done to deserve such faithful, helpful, kind and loving friends, but I am SOOOO immensely blessed beyond measure!

So, thank you to those who have been here for me, supporting me through my funny, happy, sad, hormonal, and heart-breaking days.  You truly are a blessing to me, and I can never express the love and gratitude that I have for you!

Always remember, As you have been for me, I will be here for you no matter what's going on in your life.  I will be kind, and understanding.  Most of all, I will show you the love and support you deserve...always!

Sincerely,
Your long distance friend,
Alicia Marie

I thought this was super cute, so I put it on here!

Two years gone....

Today marks the two year anniversary of poppie's passing.  I miss him like crazy.  For a while it seemed like with each month that went by, letting go of him got easier.  Now, I just want him here with me.  I want his advice on things going on in my life.  I want to hear him tell me that he loves me.  Gosh, I know that's incredibly selfish, but as I've said before....I CAN'T HELP IT!

I've tried to push back the memories I have with him, but they resurface day after day.  I still randomly cry because something has reminded me of him.  Every time I look at my wedding pictures, I'm reminded that he wasn't around to watch me walk down the aisle AND marry us!  On top of all that, every time I go to school (at Evangel University), I'm reminded of my Poppie.  Him and my Memaw took me to Evangel the Summer after I graduated High School.  I think he knew that I needed to go to Evangel (even though I fought it!).  But, with the Lord guiding me, I made the decision to attend Evangel, and I wouldn't ever trade it for anything!  Evangel has BY FAR been one of the best experiences of my life!  To walk to class everyday makes me feel incredibly blessed to have grandparents that believed in me and my ministry and pushed me to pursue what I have been called to do!

I remember saving the very last voicemail on my phone that Poppie left, for a very long time.  For months I would play it over and over again just to hear his voice.  Then, one day I went to listen to it, and it was gone.  It was no longer on my phone.  I tried everything I could to get it back, but I couldn't.  I remember I feel on the bed and weeped all night.  The VERY last thing I had of Poppie was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it....

I guess all this rambling was just to convey that I miss my Poppie and wish he were still here

Sorry this is sad and depressing...I'm hoping to get back to happy Alicia soon!