Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Who won?

I had come home from work last Monday and was tidying up the house a bit when I heard my phone beep from an incoming text.  It was from my mom.  I opened the message, and inside was the following picture.
I automatically think, "oh my word, what happened!?!?!"  Before my mind started racing a million different directions, my phone went off again.  Here's the following text.
My mind began to race.  What on earth did my dad do that would make his windshield cave in?  I mean, I first thought he backed into another tree and hit his head again, but when I saw the picture above, I realized something hit him.  I immediately sent my mom a text back asking her if dad was okay and what happened that would cause such damage to the windshield and my dad's face.  Her response, ladies and gentlemen was this....
A turkey flew into his windshield.  I don't know that I've ever laughed so hard in my life.  I didn't even know turkey's could fly, especially not high enough to hit a windshield, but apparently they can.  So I ask you, who won?  The turkey or my dad?  

Saturday, July 23, 2011

The end of the tunnel

My Summer classes are ending this coming week, and I have two classes left!  The end is near, and I couldn't be happier.  I'm in the process of either going up to full time status at my current job or finding a new one with better pay.  Granted, I LOVE my job, and I honestly believe that I have found my niche, but I must pay bills.  I haven't been too worried about getting more hours the past month or so because of the time I have had to spend on school and homework, but the time has finally arrived.  I'm a week away from needing full time employment.  I am finally in a program at school that allows me to work full time and go to school, so I have been blessed.  I'll never refuse that God had His hand in this.  Despite the crummy situations I've been dealt the past year or so, I know that God will bring me through it, but it's a process.  A process where I'm learning to FULLY rely on Him and His word.  He's got my back.  He is my God!  I am blessed, and please don't ever think I take that for granted.   

On another note, my internet is fixed.  I know most of you didn't know that I even had a problem with it, but I did.  The whole month of July my internet cut in and out, and I couldn't hold a signal long enough to do anything.  I finally got tired of not being able to use my internet, so I called AT&T.  I got a hold of a man from Little Rock, AR.  It was funny because he had such a thick country accent.  The very same accent I forced off of myself when I moved to Springfield so people wouldn't think I was one of those "inbred rednecks from Arkansas."  When he asked for my address so that he could send a repair man to fix our net, I told him I lived in Springfield.  He used to live here too.  He said, "Springfield's a great place to live.  Especially since it's a college town, there are lots of ladies around."  I couldn't help but laugh.  I told him about it being a coincidence that he used to live here because I used to live just south of Little Rock.  He asked me where, and I told him Sheridan (because NO ONE knows where Leola is).  He was amazed.  He then went on to tell me that the neighbor he had in Springfield actually moved to Sheridan before he moved to Little Rock.  It amazes me that we live in such a big world, yet at times like that, it doesn't seem big at all.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.  Blessing to you and your families!
~*Alicia Marie*~

Friday, July 22, 2011

Happy Birthday, Sister!

Twelve years ago, my life changed.  My world was shaken to the core, and I was no longer the only child.  Yes, 12 years ago today, my little sister, Michaela was born.  As I was searching for pictures to post in this blog, I was taken back down memory lane.  I remember my Uncle picking me up during my Wednesday night class at church because my mom's water had broken, and my little sibling was going to be born.  I never knew jealousy until she came along.  Sure I pushed her off the couch out of pure jealousy one time when my mom left me alone with her, but she didn't fall far...just a few feet!  Anyway, I say all this because I can't believe that my sweet, precious little sister turned 12 today.  She is growing up to be a beautiful, young Christian lady, and I am so incredibly proud of her!  So, Michaela, Happy Birthday, sis!  I love you to pieces and would give anything to be with you on your special day!  

Here are some pictures of my sweet sister through the years.  I'm sure she's going to love me for this!  :)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Vlog #2--one year... :'(

Yesterday, Tuesday--07/19/11, marked one year since Luke and I started trying to have a baby.  A year later my hope and dream of becoming a mommy have been stolen away from me, and I'm left babyless.   Here's a VLOG that gives a run down of yesterday and my feelings.  

Sorry if it's not exactly uplifting, but I'm being honest.

Monday, July 18, 2011

VLOG! :)

After many attempts at uploading this video, here you go!  My first Vlog!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Time to celebrate!

So, I'm a sucker for finding any reason to make a celebration out of something.  I make huge deals out of "little" things in life simply because I think we should find reasons to celebrate life!  So, I have a reason to celebrate today!  Today is a very special day for someone (and many others too, I'm sure).  But, I have a friend who has a birthday today!   I just wanted to let him to know that his friendship is much appreciated, and that I wish him a VERY Happy Birthday!

So, Peter James, Happy Birthday!  I hope that your birthday is everything you wanted it to be and more!  May this next year of life be filled with unending love, joy, and happiness!!!

To quote an English Proverb--"the older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune!

Happy Birthday, Friend!  Blessings to you on your special day, and every other one surrounding it!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I've done it again!

After all the talk of being okay with not pursuing a baby of our own, I've regressed.
  It hit me today like a ton of bricks.... 

I'm not going to be a mom.

The words, like a knife, slice my heart into pieces every time they cross my mind.  I have been okay with our decision.  I moved on, or so I thought.  

What I don't understand is why it's coming back today.  Why do these feelings of inadequacy and failure have to sneak up on me when things in life seem to be going so well?

Before today, I was the happiest I have been in a very long time.  I was finding the positive side of life again, but all the sudden my new found happiness slipped away from me.  Not only did it slip away, it disappeared.  

I do NOT like this feeling.  I've tried so very hard to tell myself that I am adequate and that I am loved and cherished whether I am a mom or not.  I tried so hard to remind myself that I am not defined by infertility; rather, I am defined by Christ who lives in me. 

I just want to be able to be happy in life, but it seems as if life doesn't want me to be happy!


Thursday, July 7, 2011

This is meaningless

Hey guys!  I know I've been a horrible blogger the past month.  Between school, work and studying, I have little to zero time to do much of anything unless I'm awake REALLY late at night.

I hope you all are doing well. :)  I have been trying to catch up on your posts the past few days when I have had the chance, but that hasn't been the easiest of tasks.  Granted, My statistics class ends next Thursday, and I'll have a little more time to do things.  :)

This post is basically meaningless.  I really have nothing new to report other than we got a new couch tonight.  It was free, and so was our last one.  Although, the new one is MUCH nicer than the one I got before we married.  It's nice to have a couch with legs on it!  I guess I could post a picture of it next time I update. 

Well, I'm gonna update some other time.  I'm actually going to be in bed before midnight for the first time in a month! 

Have a great weekend!
Alicia Marie

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Close your eyes...

Warning, this IS another love song I just found while searching Youtube.  I especially liked the words!

Close your eyes
If you wanna know
Tomorrow morning I have to leave
But wherever I may be
Best believe I'm thinking of you
I can't believe how much I love

All we have is here tonight
We don't want to waste this time
Give me something to remember
Baby put your lips on mine

And I'll love you forever
Anytime that we find ourselves apart

Just close your eyes
And you'll be here with me
Just look to your heart
And that's where I'll be

If you just close your eyes
Till your drifting away
You'll never be too far from me
If you close your eyes

I know I'm gonna see you again
But promise me that you won't forget
Cause as long as you remember
A part of us will be together
So even when you're fast asleep
Look for me inside your dreams
Keep believing in what we're sharing
And even when I'm not there to tell you

I'll, I'll love you forever
Anytime that I can't be where you are


Is there anywhere that far?
Anytime you're feeling low
Is there anywhere that love cannot reach?
Oh no
It could be anywhere on earth
It could be anywhere I'll be
Oh baby if you want to see

Just close your eyes
And you'll be here with me
Look to your heart
That's where you'll be

Just close your eyes
Till your drifting away
You'll never be too far from me

Friday, July 1, 2011

Change in plans

Wow.  Life the past year has been a whirlwind.  Between school, church, fertility testing, treatments, doctor appointments, work, and even more school, I believe I've experienced every emotion possible.  A month ago we made a decision to adopt.  It was a decision that we made to help reconcile the hurt we were feeling during the months of not conceiving.  Now I'm sitting here thinking about the future.  I'm thinking about our lives and where they will lead us knowing that what we're about to do is going to change our future. 

After a lot of consideration, Luke and I have made another decision.  I hope you're sitting down for this.  After talking again, we've decided to not pursue adoption.  Let me explain.  I have finally gained the closure I needed to be okay with not having a child of my own.  Yes, the desire will always be there, and I'll always want to parent a child, but I'm okay with it not being now...or even in the near future.  I think that the infertility testing and treatments have taken me through the faith testing that my heart needed to go through in order to put me in check for what the Lord really has in store for me.  After our decision to adopt, I began to wonder why the Lord has not allowed us to become parents.  In my spirit, I was quickened with a memory of my "other" dream...the dream that I've known I was called to fulfill since I was 11.

The call to missions has always burned in my heart right along side the dream of becoming a mother.  Both have fought one another in this process.  At times I thought to myself, "the Lord knows my desire to be a mom, and He'll be okay with me putting off doing my ministry until I'm a mom."  Ha!  I've learned it does NOT work that way.  Actually, it's quite amazing to think about.

I honestly believe that our decision to adopt WAS the right decision for us (at the time), especially me.  The Lord knew that I needed closure to the fleshly desires of becoming a mother to a child from my own womb.  He knew if I didn't have another avenue that allowed me to accept my incapability of bearing a child, I would never consent and do HIS will for my life now.

I'm not saying we won't ever adopt, but I hope that He (God) will perform a miracle in my life, and one day I'll be able to bear a child of my own.  Whether it's now or five years from now, I'm okay with it.  Had we decided to not try and have a baby a few months ago and focus on our ministries, I would have cried a river of ever flowing tears and thrown myself into some self absorbed depression.  But, I've finally arrived.  I've arrived at that point in my life where I no longer dwell on becoming a mother.  Now I genuinely am ready to see where God leads me.

I'm currently in the process of finishing my degree at Evangel University, and I will have that completed in a year and a half.  Luke is going to begin the process to become an ordained Assemblies of God pastor (he's already credentialed), and that will take a year.  So, during this time, I'm praying for open doors.  Open doors to fulfill my calling for humanitarian work (like Convoy of Hope).  I'll explain more about this in a future post.

I'm sorry I've been missing lately and this update has been long over due.  I hope all of you are well, and I promise I'll get back to daily postings soon!

Alicia Marie
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