Mothers Day 2011

For those who follow this, you can probably guess where this post is heading.  I've been looking forward to today for the past two weeks because I HAD hoped to be able to tell my family that we are pregnant, but this is not the case.  I literally had dreams about today and how we would announce to the family that the time had finally arrived and we were going to be parents, but just like every other month for almost 10 months, my dreams came crashing to the ground.

As you may have guessed from the previous sentences, I have yet to receive my BFP (positive result).  I don't know what is going on honestly.  I have felt more at peace this month about our situation than I have any other month, but it was not beneficial.  I've been charting everything for 3 months now and according to the chart, AF (my monthly) SHOULD have arrived Friday night.  She (AF) never showed and I'm left here not knowing what to think.  I have no positive result to hold in my hand yet I have no monthly visitor.  What gives?  Is this some cruel joke?  I know it's not, but sometimes I feel like it is.  I just KNEW that this was it.  I knew thought that I was so in tune with my body that I pinpointed when I was ovulating and made sure that I timed everything perfectly.  The signs were there, but the results are inconclusive at this point.  I have NOTHING to show for this cycle.  I'm on day 27 of this cycle, and I wish it would end.  Whether it be a late positive result or AF showing up, I don't care.  I just want closure to this cycle. 

As if that was not enough to make my (hopeful) Mothers Day bad, we had to send our first dog to live with my parents in Arkansas today.  They were up here for my graduation on Friday and stayed the weekend in Branson then drove to Springfield today to come to church with Luke and me.  After lunch with my family at the in-laws house (which was YUMMY) we went back to our home and said goodbye to our furry dog-child.  I know we'll be able to fix our yard up now without having to worry about him tromping all over anything we plant, but I sure will miss him.  It's always hard loosing an animal, but when it was an animal that was meant to console me and keep me from wanting a baby, it's really hard to say goodbye.  At least we'll be able to see him when we go down to Arkansas for mini vacations throughout the year.

I saved this part for last because I didn't want this post to be COMPLETELY negative.  I'm very thankful that I was able to spend time with my family the past few days.  Having them around meant a lot to me.  It was an amazing feeling being able to sit with my mom and grandma during church today.  It has been 4 years since I have been able to spend Mothers Day with them, and I'm so thankful that I was allowed the chance today!  I wish they could stay longer, but life goes on.  So, mom and memaw, while you read this, know that that I love you two and felt so blessed to have you around for Mothers Day!