Monday, May 9, 2011

Learning to lean....

With Mothers Day behind me, I feel much better.  Today has gone well, and I'm moving on.  I refuse to dwell in the things of yesterday, but only look forward to what God has in store for us.

I have decided not to allow myself to be a victim of the most dreaded word for those trying to conceive....*INFERTILE*.  Even though I have not been pronounced "infertile", the thoughts of the possibility flood my heart and mind consistently.  It's easy for people to dismiss what is happening (well, really what's NOT happening) and make excuses for it.  I'm tired of wondering "what's wrong with me?"  I know that everyone has their opinion as to why God has not allowed us to become parents, but in reality, no one knows.  I look forward to the day when I will have the answers, but until then I have taken hold of a scripture that says, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5.  A song that comes to mind when I think of this scripture is Learning to Lean.  The words are simple, yet they are powerful at the same time.  The lyrics go like this:

Chorus
I’m learning to lean, learning to lean,
Learning to lean on Jesus.
Finding more power than I’d ever dreamed, 
I’m learning to lean on Jesus.
The joy I can’t explain fills my heart, 
Since the day I made Jesus my King;
His blessed Holy Spirit is leading my way,
He’s teaching and I’m learning to lean. 


    Chorus
I’m learning to lean, learning to lean,
Learning to lean on Jesus
Finding more power than I’d ever dreamed
I’m learning to lean on Jesus. 
     
There's glorious vict'ry each day now for me,
Since I found His peace so serene;
He helps me with each task, if only I'll ask;
Ev'ry day now I'm learning to lean. 


    Chorus
I’m learning to lean, learning to lean
Learning to lean on Jesus.
Finding more power than I’d ever dreamed,
I’m learning to lean on Jesus.





Yes, trusting and "learning to lean" is incredibly hard for me considering I like to have everything planned out.  I mean, I'm the girl who refuses to drive away from her house if I don't have a specific destination in my head and a good idea of how to get there.  I'm terribly scared of the unknown, but I'm certain that God does not allow us to know our future because we would not be able to handle knowing in advance.  I guess that's where faith in Christ comes in.  We must learn to lean on Him and trust that He knows what's best for our lives.  I have no doubt that this time in my life is one of the hardest I've ever faced (and may ever face--i don't know what's going to happen), but I HAVE to find peace somewhere, and the world sure does not give that to me!  Heck, I trusted pills and myself and thought that I could control my body this last cycle and time everything down to the moment of ovulation, but obviously that failed me as it has the last (almost) 10 months.  

One of my favorite scriptures in the Bible is found in Jeremiah 1:5...it says, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..."  I take comfort in knowing that before God formed me into the little Alicia Marie, He knew me.  He knew exactly what would happen in my life.  He knew the decisions I would make, the trials and troubles I would face.  It is so comforting to know that my Lord knows everything about me and what's best for me.  

Until the day comes when the Lords will has been completed in my life, I will constantly be "learning to lean" on Him!


2 comments:

  1. great post! It was like you were talking to me!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for stopping by. I look forward to following your journey as well. Hopefully its a short one! :-)

    ReplyDelete

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