Friday the 13th is at it again...

Just when I think things might be looking up, the world around me begins to crash to the ground.

I spotted for 5 minutes yesterday, so I decided to call the doctors office and let them know so that we could set up an appointment for the ultrasound.  The nurse set up an ultrasound for Monday at 1:10.  After eight hours had passed, I hadn't had any more bleeding, so I was in hopes of the "spotting" really being implantation bleeding.  I went almost 24 hours without any more blood showing up, and then all the sudden I got hit with cramps from the devil himself (they are so bad that pain like this can only be caused from mean ole' Satan).  I knew that AF had just hit me, and my body feels like it's been hit by a semi truck.  Talk about depressing.  My dreams for this month have officially been crushed, and it's now time to move on to the next step.

I was trying to convince myself that it's a good thing AF showed up because now I get to have the ultrasound that I have been waiting on for almost 4 months.  It was perfect timing, I tell you.  As soon as I began to convince myself this ultrasound appointment was a step in the right direction, my phone rang.  It was the doctors office.  The lady on the line proceeded to tell me that she had to call and let me know what I was responsible for paying at Monday's appointment.  I was in shock.  I didn't understand.  Why was I having to pay out of pocket for this appointment when the other ones were billed to me?  No matter how many questions I asked her, her response was always, "you're gonna have to pay the full $437.01 for the ultrasound at the time of your visit on Monday".  My heart sank.  My eyes began to tear.  My voice trembled as I told her that I understood and I would have to call her back.  I knew having fertility treatments and medicines would be costly, but I always assumed that we would be able to make payments.  Boy was I wrong.

After finding out that my extra income was being cut in half, and I'm loosing my client next week, I don't know what's going to happen.  It seems like I can never catch a break.  Why is having a baby so easy for some people and yet so hard for others?  Why can't this journey end and end happily at the same time?