Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Doctors visit....

Here comes the post that I dreaded writing from the moment I looked at the images of my ultrasound on the flat screen TV. 

I laid on the table as the "probe" began to beam its light throughout my insides.  The images of my organs flashed on the screen next to me.  The lady began to press the keys of the keyboard frantically.  The constant clicking of the keys panicked me as I began to wonder why she was hitting so many buttons.  Was there something so wrong that she had to repeatedly capture images of it?  My immense curiosity got the best of me, and I peeked over my shoulder.  About the time I looked over she said, "you can watch it on the screen in front of you.  There in front of me (I have NO idea how I didn't know it was there--even Luke was watching it) was a flat screen TV that showed the images I had hoped I would never see.

As my eyes were making their way to the screen, I heard the lady say, "now I'm gonna take a look at your ovaries."  At that exact moment, my eyes met the screen, and I saw it!  I saw the dots all over my ovaries.  Of course, I had looked at so many pictures online of PCOS that I knew what I was looking at (poor Luke had no idea).  My ovaries were riddled with cysts.  My heart began to pound and I looked at Luke (and before the lady said anything to us) I said, "I called it..."  The lady then proceeded to ask me if I had ever been diagnosed with PCOS and I said, "no, but I self-diagnosed it after I started doing research about it."  I asked her if she thought it was PCOS and she just nodded her head.  Before I knew it the ultrasound was over (it only took about six minutes), and we were sent back out into the waiting room.

We had to wait in the waiting room until we were called back into an empty room.  There, we waited some more.  Finally, after twenty minutes of waiting, the doctor came in and asked us to follow him to his office.  He then showed us the still images of the ultrasound and showed Luke where the cysts were.  He told me that he wanted to get some blood taken and run a test on my androgen levels.  He then said that he would consult an endocrinologist about the next steps to take.  Depending on the results of the blood work (which I am SUPPOSED to have by Friday), I may or may not have to personally see the endocrinologist.  If the levels come back low, the doctor will just consult the other physician.  If they're really high, I'll have to go to some appointments and follow what the endocrinologist says to do in order to fix my levels before Dr. M will put me on ovulation meds (probably Clomid).

So, I'll know more Friday as to what the next step in this journey for me will be.  When I prepared myself for getting diagnosed with PCOS, I thought I would be able to handle it well.  I mean, why not prepare for the worst case scenario?  I had previously done research on things that caused infertility and found out about PCOS.  I'm glad that I did because I don't think that I would have been able to handle it today had I not known about it in advance.  There is a B-I-G difference in self-diagnosing ones self and mentally preparing for the worst and actually SEEING what's causing the issue of fertility and then HEARING the doctor confirm it!  The best way to describe it is like having your parents tell you that Santa Claus doesn't exist and you try to prepare yourself for those nice big presents to not be under the tree when you wake up on Christmas morning.  So, when Christmas morning comes around you wake up and run to the living room (because you secretly WANT Santa to be real) and there are no big presents under the tree.  Your parents were right.  The sheer disappointment.  The gut wrenching pain of knowing that no matter how hard you tried to prepare yourself for that moment, it hurt more than you could ever imagine.  Dreams began to die.  Hope began to fade.  Life as you once knew it was now CHANGED! 

This is my new life.  Trying to conceive with PCOS!

3 comments:

  1. I don't even know what to say. I hope that things will go better now that they know what you knew all along. Maybe they can help you better now.

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  2. I was devastated when I was first diagnosed, but treatments have come a long way in the past year and OBGYN's are able to do more and hopefully prevent the need of seeing an RE. I hope you hear good news from your blood work and are able to start ovulation meds soon. Good luck!

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  3. I'm so sorry. I hope you get some good news at your appointment!

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