Let's talk about boobies.

Ummm, hello October!  Where did you come from? 

I can't believe that we're halfway through October and sailing towards November.  Crap, time seems to fly when life gets busy!

I guess you could say that I'm a busy lady.  I started classes back up after taking a little bit of a Summer break for my Vegas trip.  So, alongside my 18 hour school schedule, I got a promotion at the beginning of October.  I say it's a promotion because it's a better position, and I'm making more money with a solid 40 hours a week.  So, starting October 4th, I'm the new Family Advocate for Ozark Head Start.  I'd explain to you what I do, but I could be talking all day long.  Basically, I do a lot of case management.  I think it's cool, I mean...I'm enjoying it so far.  The best part is that I get my own office.  Granted it's the size of a closet, but it's mine.  ALL MINE!

October has been a whirlwind of emotions for me.  I know I'm already overly emotional as it is, but this has sent them through the roof.  Now is the time where I'm going to discuss the title of this blog. 

So, let's talk about boobies.  All women have them. Some big. Some small. They come in all shapes and sizes, but I'm not here to talk about everyone elses boobies.  I'm here to talk about mine. Specifically, my left one. 

What had been a month or so of excitement for me over the recent development of my growing boobies has now turned into panic. For about two months my breasts were growing.  I grew almost a cup and a half in two months, randomly.  No, I'm not pregnant. Well, after about a month of both of my girls growing, the left one stopped, while the right continued on being a champ at growing.  This concerned me.  Although I didn't really think anything about it at the time, I thought it was odd that the left one would just randomly stop growing.  About two weeks ago I began to notice that the left breast was changing shape, but only part of it.  It was a shape that neither of my breasts had ever been, even at my smallest size. This REALLY started to concern me.  I began to watch it for a few days and noticed that a section on the left side of my breast was starting to swell and redden while the rest was pasty white like the rest of my body.  And oh how they hurt.  Talk about TENDER!  Anyway, I decided to finally get it checked out.  It's like something inside my mind clicked and said, "go to the doctor!"  So, after consulting with my trainer at work and a few other women, I decided that taking off from my new job to get it checked out was in my best interest. 

I originally tried getting into my new gyno's office to have her check it out. And, with my luck, she was booked solid until December.  Yeah, that's not what I wanted to hear, so I did some calling around and found out that I could go to a walk-in clinic for them to do an exam and look at it.  So, that's what I did.

I went in to the walk-in clinic and the doctor looked at it.  She could definitely see the difference in size, which is what bothers me the most I think (I feel gross!), and she could also see the swollen/reddened area that I was telling her about.  Along with the swollen part, the area underneath my breast has begun to flatten out.  It's no longer round, but more flat than anything.  Weird, and TMI, I know. Anyway, she was concerned, so she has referred me to Hulston Cancer Center here in Springfield.

On November 1, they're going to do an ultrasound and mammogram to test me for breast cancer...WOW! Did I really just say that?  Breast Cancer. Yikes. I'm gonna be honest. This is scary. Terrifying, in fact.  I'm 23 years old, I shouldn't have to worry about something like this.  I don't understand what God is doing to me. Even if it's not cancer, the fact that I'm having to go through this trial, all while sufferring from over 2 years of infertility, just sucks.  Plain and simple. 

You know, I told someone last week this, and I meant it.  I'm so tired of my life falling apart; I'm ready for my life to fall together.