Thursday, January 5, 2012

I do it to myself

Since I am toddlerless in my daycare while his mom is home with their new baby, I am not forced to watch all the educational kid shows! (Can I get an Amen to getting the remote back!?!?)  While I find the occasional educational video okay, I do long to watch my shows while I wipe butts and clean up vomit.

One would think that since I have such a hard time seeing pregnant women, I wouldn't want to watch the TLC channel, but that's not the case.  I'm a sucker for TLC's "A Baby Story" and "Make Room for Multiples."  I find myself turning the tv on and going straight to that channel.

Maybe I like watching it because on "A Baby Story" there are moms that have had multiple pregnancies that turned out in miscarriages or stillbirths, and watching them deliver their rainbow baby warms my heart.  Or, maybe I like watching "Make Room for Multiples" because the moms have gone through the road of IUI's and IVF, and that's the road I'm heading down within a few months.  I don't know, really.  I just love the shows.  When the babies are delivered, I bawl like a baby cry with the parents.  *Sigh*  I do it to myself.

On a similar note, I sent in the papers for an IVF consultation at the Reproductive Resource Center in Kansas City yesterday.  Talk about being nervous!  I put off completely filing out the papers for over a month and a half because a part of me doesn't want to accept that I can't have children without the help of technology, but I suppose that's the territory that comes with infertility.  I should hear from the RRC within a few weeks about setting up an appointment.  I want to be like Bethany at Cloudy with a Chance of Infertility and get a surprise miracle pregnancy while waiting on an appointment with the RRC.  If I can have a child without all the extra needles and hormones, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but if this is what I have to do to get our miracle baby, I'll do it!

I know that whatever I have to go through, it will be worth it.  You know why it will be worth it?  It's because Psalm 56:8 says, "You have kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in Your ledger, each ache written in Your book."  I have confidence in knowing that my God knows my every care and has heard my every cry.  He knows what is best for my life, and if I have to go through IVF, it is because it's all a part of His master plan.


  1. Haha, I know what you mean about your tv shows. There are times when I watch my niece for a few days, and after all of the blues clues, yo gaba gaba, and carebears, I am ready for my tv shows again. I am glad you finally sent the letter, that puts you 1 step closer to your rainbow baby. I so hope that you get the miracle on your own too, and I know exactly how you feel.

  2. Diapers and throw up?? Bleh!!! I babysit my Godson and pray that he doesn't poop. I skeeve bodily fluids. lol

  3. I love TLC too! All the baby-themed shows are such a guilty pleasure :) I'm excited for you for taking that first step toward IVF. Of course, I hope you get a surprise BFP before then, but either way, you're on your way to your own rainbow baby!

  4. I don't have TLC over here but my mom and I used to watch it when I was in high school and we would always watch the procession of A Dating Story, A Wedding Story, and A Baby Story. We usually always cried at the wedding and baby one!
    Going in for IVF isn't a white flag of surrender that you can't have kids. You could have some wonderful IVF babies and then have some random surprise babies naturally years later...God works in mysterious ways!

  5. IVF is my favorite thing, ok so it wasn't at the time, but everytime I look at my daughter I am so very grateful it exists. And it is not as bad as it seems, I was terrified of needles so my family thought I would never go through with it. Piece of cake to get to that baby!

  6. I love the way you ended this. It is amazing thinking about life; God sure is amazing. I'm praying for things to go your way :0)

  7. Fingers crossed for you. :)

    And yay on the remote! I love when I get the remote back. Course, I usually end up on the Disney channel anyway.

  8. As I read this post I was struck by your desire to be a mom. Moms will do anything for their children. It is only natural that you will be willing to do pretty much anything for the opportunity to have a child.
    My prayers are with you.

  9. Wishing you the best with the new path you're about to take.


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