Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Who are you to say it's not meant to be? (infertility etiquette part 3)

The following excerpt from the Infertility Etiquette series is one that hit so close to my heart that I thought it deserved a post of its own rather than being grouped with another etiquette rule.  I'm going to go ahead let you read the rule, and then I'll explain why it has a special place in my heart.

"Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature."

Here's my thoughts on this.  I cannot count the amount of times that I have heard, "It's just not meant to be," or "Maybe God doesn't want you to be a mom, maybe you're meant to do something else with your life, and worst of all, "you just need more faith!"  Talk about painful!  Of all the things that people have said to me the last year and four months, those kind of comments have hurt the most.  I've always struggled with figuring out Gods will for my life, and when infertility struck, I was more confused than ever.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't blame myself for our situation.  I tell myself that I MUST have done something wrong in life for God to punish me like this.  I know that these thoughts are of the flesh, but I can't help but think them.  I come from several generations of Assemblies of God believers.  Having faith in God and being in God's will is something that has been ingrained within me from a young age.  When people tell me that I need more faith, it definitely doesn't help the situation.  Just because I am considering IVF, it doesn't mean that I am lacking faith in God and His miraculous power.  I DO have faith that God can heal me, but at the same time, I look at reality.  Sure God can do a miracle in my life, but who's to say that the miracle won't come in the form of an IVF baby?  For my body to be able to have a baby, no matter how it happens, it will ALWAYS be considered a miracle; therefore, I will never not have enough faith!


  1. I agree completely with this post. My little miracle came in the form of IVF. I like to this God doesn't cause infertility but sometimes he puts things in our path that can help us over come it, like the science behind IVF, and everyonce in a while a little miracle dust of his own.

  2. That would hurt so bad . . . I can't even imagine. I really wonder what some people are thinking when they say these things :( Maybe they aren't.

  3. My sister suffered for years from infertility and it will never cease to amaze me the cruel words that people can use. To bring God into it, though, just seems worse.

    Stopping by from the Getting to Know You Friday Blog Hop! Thanks for linking up - new follower :-)

  4. Girl we were raised in the same background of beliefs and I have had people tell me I wasn't having enough faith in God by doing IVF. And I told them it was actually quite the opposite. I've had IVFs fail and I have so much faith in God I believed that the next time would be different. we can do EVERYTHING literallY EVERYTHING in our power in the natural and we STILL had to believe and trust God that it would work. The time it failed was proof even more that we still have to faith and trust God even when doing IVF. It's not a lack of faith. God gave man the knowledge to come up with IVF. And I have no problem using that God given wisdom and knowledge to help build our family...our family! It's not like I'm supporting making war over here. It takes more faith to go through treatments than it takes normal fertile people to just "do it" so who are they to tell me I don't have enough faith? Hmmm??? ;)


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