Let operation baby Hartley begin!

The last you heard, I sent the appropriate papers to the Reproductive Resource Center (RRC) in Kansas City.  Two days after I sent the paperwork in, I received a phone call from one of the ladies that works there. Come to find out, the RRC has specific BMI requirements before they'll agree to even give someone a consultation.  The lady told me that if I wanted to get a consultation I'd have to loose about 80 pounds.  Immediately I was like, "uhhh...WHAT?!?!"  Yeah, 80 pounds.  She told me that she would keep all my info for a year if I make the BMI requirement. 

As soon as I hung the phone up after talking to the lady, I cried.  I didn't know what to do.  I felt as if my backup plan was taken away from me, and I was left with no other options.  I can't get pregnant on my own, so IVF was my backup plan to conceiving naturally.  I couldn't accept that they turned me away, so I turned to a Facebook group that I belong to, Cysters Unite!  I told them what happened, and within an hour, I had 20+ comments encouraging me to seek another doctor/infertility clinic.  Throughout the last year and a half of infertility, I've often wanted to get second opinions because I felt my doctor wasn't being proactive in helping me conceive, but I didn't want to feel as if I was questioning his intelligence.

After considering it for a few days, I decided to search out other infertility clinics in Missouri.  Immediately I stumbled upon The Infertility Clinic of St. Louis.  I searched all through their website, and everything I read impressed me.  The website is very thorough, and the doctor is known around the world.  Because the clinic impressed me so much, I decided to inquire about IVF with their clinic. 

I called the clinic at 10:00 am, which is exactly when they open, and I requested to talk to someone in the IVF department.  The lady I spoke to asked me some medical background questions and then asked me if I had any questions for her.  The first and only thing I asked was if they had a BMI requirement in order to treat patients.  She seemed stunned that I would even ask.  She promptly told me that they've never had to figure out someone's BMI and have never turned anyone away because of their weight.  Immediately a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.  I gave a huge sigh of relief, and she laughed.  She asked if I had anymore questions and if I would like to set up an ultrasound to check my follicles and egg reserve and an IVF consultation with the doctor to discuss a plan to get started.  Of course I jumped on the opportunity.  I asked her to make the appointment for a Friday so that I wouldn't have to worry about driving to St. Louis early in the morning and then driving back to make it home in time for work the next day.  She searched for a minute, and she told me that she had an appointment open for February 17, 2012.  I was shocked!  I couldn't believe that she was able to get me in so quickly.  I agreed to the appointment, and hung up the phone.

So, ladies and gentlemen, Operation Baby Hartley begins February 17.  That's one month and 4 days from now.  It's very possible that within the next few months, I could begin IVF and have a little bean growing inside me.  Excited much?  Uh, yeah!  I think know so!

I'm turning into a man!

Ha!  Admit it, you read the title to this post and it sparked your interest.  To be honest, ladies and gents, I am turning into a man.  Not in the sense that I am growing a beard and mustache, but my mind seems to have been taken over by that oh so lovely man brain.  Yes, man brain.  You know, it's similar to mommy brain that all of those pregnant women get, but only 10 gazillion (yes, it's that bad!) times worse!

The past month, I have found myself forgetting a lot of things.  We all have walked into a room and forgotten why we were in that room in the first place, but this is worse.  I don't forget things occasionally, it's a daily occurrence.  Seriously, I'll walk into the kitchen and forget why I was going in there, so I'll go back to the living room and forget why I went back into the living room from the kitchen and came back empty handed.  It's a terrible thing that man brain.  I don't know how men do it.  It drives me insane, and now it has started driving my husband crazy.

On Saturday, Luke and I got up early to make it to the bank before they closed.  As we were waiting in line, I noticed a Mexican restaurant across the parking lot.  I had never noticed the restaurant, and it's located next door to the grocery store I used to take my in-home client shopping at.  I voiced to Luke that there was a restaurant there, and he just looked at me and shook his head.  I couldn't understand why he was telling me no when OBVIOUSLY it was right there!  I asked him why he was shaking his head.  Apparently he wasn't telling me no, he couldn't believe I had pointed out the restaurant.  Supposedly he had "just" mentioned it to me, and I didn't respond.  Now, I'll be honest, I did NOT hear him say anything to me.  Selective hearing, maybe?  Instances like that have been happening all the time in our house.


It's bad guys, I've got man brain, and I don't know what to do.


Suggestions, anyone?

I do it to myself

Since I am toddlerless in my daycare while his mom is home with their new baby, I am not forced to watch all the educational kid shows! (Can I get an Amen to getting the remote back!?!?)  While I find the occasional educational video okay, I do long to watch my shows while I wipe butts and clean up vomit.

One would think that since I have such a hard time seeing pregnant women, I wouldn't want to watch the TLC channel, but that's not the case.  I'm a sucker for TLC's "A Baby Story" and "Make Room for Multiples."  I find myself turning the tv on and going straight to that channel.

Maybe I like watching it because on "A Baby Story" there are moms that have had multiple pregnancies that turned out in miscarriages or stillbirths, and watching them deliver their rainbow baby warms my heart.  Or, maybe I like watching "Make Room for Multiples" because the moms have gone through the road of IUI's and IVF, and that's the road I'm heading down within a few months.  I don't know, really.  I just love the shows.  When the babies are delivered, I bawl like a baby cry with the parents.  *Sigh*  I do it to myself.

On a similar note, I sent in the papers for an IVF consultation at the Reproductive Resource Center in Kansas City yesterday.  Talk about being nervous!  I put off completely filing out the papers for over a month and a half because a part of me doesn't want to accept that I can't have children without the help of technology, but I suppose that's the territory that comes with infertility.  I should hear from the RRC within a few weeks about setting up an appointment.  I want to be like Bethany at Cloudy with a Chance of Infertility and get a surprise miracle pregnancy while waiting on an appointment with the RRC.  If I can have a child without all the extra needles and hormones, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but if this is what I have to do to get our miracle baby, I'll do it!

I know that whatever I have to go through, it will be worth it.  You know why it will be worth it?  It's because Psalm 56:8 says, "You have kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in Your ledger, each ache written in Your book."  I have confidence in knowing that my God knows my every care and has heard my every cry.  He knows what is best for my life, and if I have to go through IVF, it is because it's all a part of His master plan.

cigarettes and the man in the wheelchair

Happy New Year to all of you!  I am so excited that it is January 1, 2012!  A new year means changes, but sometimes that's not a bad thing.  Yesterday marked three years of having my blog.  Although I went months at a time (several times, in fact) after starting my blog, it's pretty cool to look at my life and how it has changed since then.  In honor of the new year, here's my first post of 2012!

Last night Luke and I stayed home, watched t.v., ate pizza and drank sparkling grape juice.  Talk about partying it up! After that hardcore partying we did last night, the obvious thing to do was to take a nap today!  When Luke and I woke up from our nap (at 5 p.m. tonight) we were both hungry.  I wanted cereal, but we didn't have milk, so we took a trip to the grocery store.  I dislike going to Walmart because it seems like I walk forever before finding what I need, so I choose to go to the little ghetto PriceCutter on Commercial street whenever I get the chance.

Commercial Street in Springfield is known for the homeless people.  I've never been approached by any of the homeless before, so I usually think nothing about going to that store.  Tonight was that exception.  As soon as I pulled into the parking lot, I saw a crowd of people standing under the awning.  Immediately I thought something was weird.  We've been at that store a hundred times and people don't just hang out there, so I automatically had a bad feeling.  I pulled into a parking spot right in front of the store.  I wanted to make sure that I had fast access to the front door and to my car when we left.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I have nothing against homeless people, but I just had a bad feeling about going into that store.  I waited for Luke to walk around to my side of the car before I got out.  The men under the awning stared me straight in the eye.  Every one of them.  I grabbed Luke's arm and quickly walked us into the store.  I went to get a cart, and as I glanced up I saw a man glare at me through the store window.  He watched my every move until I disappeared around the corner.

I made my way around the first aisle, and as soon as I turned the corner, the same man that was staring at me as I got out of the car and as I got our cart was standing directly in front of me.  He looked at me.  I glanced and quickly turned down the next aisle.  My heart was racing.  It seemed as though no matter what aisle I went down, he passed me.  I told Luke that I didn't feel comfortable being in the store any longer, so we made our way to the front of the store so that we could pay for our items and leave.

Somehow, the man had made his way to the checkout line right before us.  The only thing he bought was a pack of cigarettes.  He peered at me over his shoulder and then walked out of the store.  As I made my way to return our cart while Luke was checking out, I saw the man again.  He poked his head out from behind the redbox and watched me as I put the cart away and made my way back to Luke.  By the time I made it back to Luke, he was ready to walk out to the car.  My heart began to pound.  I wouldn't have been so scared if that man hadn't creeped me out from the moment we pulled into the parking lot.

We walked out the door, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a man walking towards us.  He began to walk faster saying, "hey, hey."  He had his hands in his pocket and was very scruffy.  He came up to me, not Luke and asked if I had any change.  I told him no, which was the truth because we had paid for our groceries with our debit card.  We continued to walk to the car, which seemed a mile away at that moment, but in reality it was only a few feet away.  The man continued to follow me, walking behind me at first but then caught up to me and walked shoulder to shoulder with me all the way to the car.  At one point, he even brushed against me.  I quickly unlocked the car and jumped in.  I locked the door behind me.  Unfortunately I locked Luke outside of the car, not thinking.  I unlocked the door so that Luke could put the groceries in the car and then asked him to hurry.  All the men that were standing under the awning when we arrived were still there.  They stared at me, not Luke.  Maybe they sensed my fear and wanted to mess with my mind.  I don't know, really.

As Luke made his way around to the passenger side, he went to open the door and a man in a wheelchair made his way down the ramp (next to our car) and basically blocked Luke from getting in the car.  He asked Luke for money for cigarettes, and Luke jiggled his pockets as if he were trying to show the man he had nothing, but his keys rattled.  I'm sure the man in the wheelchair thought he was lying to him.  I would have.  It did sound like he had money after all!

Luke quickly got in the car, and I locked it.  I turned my lights on, pulled out of the parking lot, and got away from that store as fast as I could.  My heart was racing.  I felt like I had escaped a potential nasty situation.  Maybe I over reacted, but I just had a bad feeling.  I don't get those often, you know.  I've heard that women have a sense of potential danger.  It's built into us or something like that.  I guess it's kind of like women with their motherly instincts, I think women have a danger instinct that alerts us when something could go wrong. 

If I had money in my pocket, I probably would have given it to them, but I didn't.  Neither of us did.  As I said before, I have nothing against homeless people, but I just didn't have a good feeling about them or the situation we were in.  Now, had they been like Elisa and played their instruments, I wouldn't have been so worried, but I was.  It is only January 1 of this new year, and I've already been scared witless!

Oh to the joys that 2012 will bring me!  :)

Here's a quote I found online that I thought was interesting: "Being scared and wanting to protect ourselves is a natural instinct, but if we let that go and become passionate about those things that scare us, we will find so much fulfillment and happiness."

Here's to a new year of blogging!
--Alicia Marie