A new dynamic.

I'm not here to complain about this, I'm just here to simply update.  I never imagined our lives would turn out this way, but it is what we've been given to live with.

After my doctor appointment on October 13, I was asked to come back the following Thursday, October 22, so that I could have another Trans-vaginal Ultrasound done.  So, I did as I was asked, and I came back the next Thursday.  The Ultrasound took five minutes, and then we were sent to wait on the doctor.  A few minutes later, the nurse came and got us and took us to the Doctor's personal office to talk with him.  He said that according to the Ultrasound, there was nothing that showed why I would be in so much pain.  The cysts were still there, but everything else looked normal.  He said that it is a possibility that I may have Endometriosis because it would cause the kind of pain I've been having, but it wouldn't have shown up on the Ultrasound.  He said he wasn't going to look into that unless the pain continued over the next few months.  He asked me if we were serious about getting pregnant, and I just stared at him with a blank look on my face and then told him that we were serious about getting pregnant.  He said that the next step he was going to take was to put me on Clomid to help me ovulate so that I could (possibly) get pregnant.  But, before he would put me on it, he wanted Luke to do a semen analysis to make sure that that part of our situation was okay.  So, we did that. 

I worried all weekend, so when Monday came around I made sure to call and get the results.  After waiting all day for them to call me back, they called to tell me that the results weren't in yet.  I called the lab that we turned the test into, and they said the results had been sent to my doctor and they should have them, so Tuesday morning, I started calling to get the results.  The nurse called me back and said that the doctor wasn't in, but she had seen that I called a few times and decided to go ahead and look at the results for me.  She then told me that his results came back "abnormal."  Immediately I knew what that mean, and my heart sank.  I asked her what the specifics were, and she said that the normal count is supposed to be 20 million per milliliter (something like that ), and he has less than 2 million.  Also, she said something about his motility is really low too.  I asked the Nurse what the next steps were because the doctor said if Luke's tests didn't come back okay, He wasn't going to put me on Clomid.  She said that she was going to refer him to a Urologist, and that they weren't going to put me on Clomid until his numbers come up--if they will.  I asked her about doing an IUI, and she told me they wouldn't do it in the office with his numbers so low because it wouldn't work and would be useless.  When she told me that, I started to cry, and told her that I needed to go.  Another barrier against me getting pregnant had just appeared, and now we're facing male AND female infertility. 

I never expected that there was another problem besides me.  Never.  So, now we are faced with a new dynamic, but I'm not giving up--I'm just going to become pushy towards the doctors so that we can be as proactive as possible.

Doctor Appointment

Yesterday I went back to the GYNO.  I was hoping for answers, but that didn't happen.  When I got there I had to give a urine sample and then I was sent back into a room where I waited on Dr. M to come see me.  When he came in, he asked me about what brought be back to see him, so I told him everything.  He then proceeded to do a pap smear and pressed around on my belly.  After that exam he told me he would be back in a few minutes to talk with me.  As he said, he came back to get me and we went into his office.  He told me that I need to find a general physician and that he wants me in to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound next Thursday.  He also wanted me to go to the lab and have blood drawn to check my hormone levels and to test for pregnancy.  So, I'm assuming that I won't get those results until I see him again next Thursday, unless the blood test comes back positive for pregnancy.  

I'm SOOOO over this pain.  I have always lived with pain (which I eventually found out was from the PCOS), but this has become unbearable.  It's a pain I just can't knock no matter how many pain pills I take or how many prayers I pray.  I'm just ready to get my life back....I want to feel whole again.

bahaha!  How creepy!

I have no life.

So here's a run down of everything that has been going on.

1. I'm going on a month of having Apple of His Eye Child Care, and I love it!
2. I'm no longer leading worship at Calvary Christian Assembly.
3. I finished my first class of the semester and began my second class last night.
4. I am going back to the Gyno on the 13th because of some issues I've been having
5. Since I haven't been able to blog, I have been tweeting a lot lately. aliciamarie911  <----follow me.  Do it.  Seriously.

There will be a better update soon, but this is all I have time to write.  I hope everyone is well.  I sure wish I had time to blog more, but life called my name and I had to answer!  I'll try to catch up on blogs today during nap time (unfortunately I don't get a nap time).

So excited.

Hello my lovely blog readers,

I just realized that my client has WiFi at her house, and it's not password protected!!!  So, I am finally able to use the Internet!  The Internet at our house hasn't been working for a few months (which is part of the reason for the lack of blogs!).  So, since I've been MIA for two weeks, I guess I'll update you all.

I have recently gone from working 8 hours a week up to 32 hours. BIG help!  The only thing I would change is the hours that I work.  I'm working 10-Noon (Mon-Thurs) with one client and then I travel 30 minutes away and work 2-8pm with my new client (Mon-Wed, Fri).  It's a strange feeling not getting to see my husband until almost 9 at night, especially since he leaves at 6:30 am for work! 

We're getting a new Internet provider.  Today, actually.  I finally had enough of AT&T and their Internet, so we're switching to Mediacom.  Hopefully we'll be able to have better Internet access now that it will run through a cable line.  Consistent internet access = more blog posts!  Hooray!

I begin my 18th year of school this Thursday (yes, I'm counting Kindergarten).  I have committed myself to an accelerated program for the next 18 months in order to finish my Bachelors.  I'm nervous about cramming a semester long class into 5 weeks, but I'm sure I'll live!  The only problem with the program is that I can NOT miss one night of class!  At least I only attend class once a week from 6-10 pm!

Luke and I are taking a sabbatical of sorts from ministry for the next month (AKA: VACATION!!!).  With the kind of year we've had, we're in desperate need of a break for a bit and not have to worry about the ins and outs of what's going on at the church.  AND, the best part of this break is that it surrounds my birthday our 2nd wedding anniversary.  Not that we're going to go anywhere exotic or anything, but it will be nice not having obligations during those dates.

Well, I better get off here and type up my homework that's due for the first day of class on Thursday (that's the original reason I even have my laptop here tonight!).  I hope all of you are doing well, and I'll try to catch up on commenting on your blogs at some point tonight!

Blessings,

Alicia Marie

This is meaningless

Hey guys!  I know I've been a horrible blogger the past month.  Between school, work and studying, I have little to zero time to do much of anything unless I'm awake REALLY late at night.

I hope you all are doing well. :)  I have been trying to catch up on your posts the past few days when I have had the chance, but that hasn't been the easiest of tasks.  Granted, My statistics class ends next Thursday, and I'll have a little more time to do things.  :)

This post is basically meaningless.  I really have nothing new to report other than we got a new couch tonight.  It was free, and so was our last one.  Although, the new one is MUCH nicer than the one I got before we married.  It's nice to have a couch with legs on it!  I guess I could post a picture of it next time I update. 

Well, I'm gonna update some other time.  I'm actually going to be in bed before midnight for the first time in a month! 

Have a great weekend!
Alicia Marie

The not-so-proactive pregnancy pill--Provera!

Well, after the talk I had with the nurse today, it looks like I will be doing another two cycles of Provera.  They are "hoping" that the next two cycles of Provera will program my body to start periods on its own and become "regular".  Birth control never regulated me, so I have suspicions about this medicine.  It agitates me that instead of having me come back into the office, the doctor ordered two more cycles of Provera before he'll see me again.  That's another three more months before I can find anything new out about my problem.  Last time I had talked to him he said he was going to put me on the meds and then have me come back in for an ultrasound.  At least the ultrasound would be proactive in achieving pregnancy.  I just don't see this medicine as proactive. 

So, I'm stuck another three months with slim chances of getting pregnant.  GREAT!  That's EXACTLY what I was wanting to hear from the doctor....NOT! 

I called my mom today to tell her what the doctor said and before I knew it I was a blabbering ball bag.  I just cried and cried and cried to my mom (I think I had her crying in the process too).  I hate who I was on Provera.  That medicine turned me into the wife I couldn't recognize.  I was incredibly hormonal.  I went from one emotion to the next before I even realized I didn't feel the same as I had the minute before.  It was ridiculous.  I felt sorry for Luke, but I couldn't help it.  I cried to my mom about how angry it made me that I was having to put Luke through all this too.  I mean, I'm the wife.  I'm supposed to be able to bear children.  It's supposed to be something natural and easy to do.  Apparently that's not the case for me.  As I explained to my mom earlier, I've always had to work hard for the things I wanted to achieve in life.  Why does this have to be one of the things that I have to work hard for?  It's supposed to come naturally.  I shouldn't have to seek help from a doctor in order to get pregnant, but I am.

This is my life now

The life of a young married woman who has trouble conceiving a child.