Change in plans

Wow.  Life the past year has been a whirlwind.  Between school, church, fertility testing, treatments, doctor appointments, work, and even more school, I believe I've experienced every emotion possible.  A month ago we made a decision to adopt.  It was a decision that we made to help reconcile the hurt we were feeling during the months of not conceiving.  Now I'm sitting here thinking about the future.  I'm thinking about our lives and where they will lead us knowing that what we're about to do is going to change our future. 

After a lot of consideration, Luke and I have made another decision.  I hope you're sitting down for this.  After talking again, we've decided to not pursue adoption.  Let me explain.  I have finally gained the closure I needed to be okay with not having a child of my own.  Yes, the desire will always be there, and I'll always want to parent a child, but I'm okay with it not being now...or even in the near future.  I think that the infertility testing and treatments have taken me through the faith testing that my heart needed to go through in order to put me in check for what the Lord really has in store for me.  After our decision to adopt, I began to wonder why the Lord has not allowed us to become parents.  In my spirit, I was quickened with a memory of my "other" dream...the dream that I've known I was called to fulfill since I was 11.

The call to missions has always burned in my heart right along side the dream of becoming a mother.  Both have fought one another in this process.  At times I thought to myself, "the Lord knows my desire to be a mom, and He'll be okay with me putting off doing my ministry until I'm a mom."  Ha!  I've learned it does NOT work that way.  Actually, it's quite amazing to think about.

I honestly believe that our decision to adopt WAS the right decision for us (at the time), especially me.  The Lord knew that I needed closure to the fleshly desires of becoming a mother to a child from my own womb.  He knew if I didn't have another avenue that allowed me to accept my incapability of bearing a child, I would never consent and do HIS will for my life now.

I'm not saying we won't ever adopt, but I hope that He (God) will perform a miracle in my life, and one day I'll be able to bear a child of my own.  Whether it's now or five years from now, I'm okay with it.  Had we decided to not try and have a baby a few months ago and focus on our ministries, I would have cried a river of ever flowing tears and thrown myself into some self absorbed depression.  But, I've finally arrived.  I've arrived at that point in my life where I no longer dwell on becoming a mother.  Now I genuinely am ready to see where God leads me.

I'm currently in the process of finishing my degree at Evangel University, and I will have that completed in a year and a half.  Luke is going to begin the process to become an ordained Assemblies of God pastor (he's already credentialed), and that will take a year.  So, during this time, I'm praying for open doors.  Open doors to fulfill my calling for humanitarian work (like Convoy of Hope).  I'll explain more about this in a future post.

I'm sorry I've been missing lately and this update has been long over due.  I hope all of you are well, and I promise I'll get back to daily postings soon!

Alicia Marie

The future of missions

Today in my missions class, the college rep for the Assemblies of God came to speak to us.  He was trying to motivate us to think about what WE want missions to look like in years to come since we are the future missionaries of the world.  He had us thinking about our visions for our future ministries and wanted to know what God has given us so far on our journey.  That question had me dwelling more than the other questions he had asked us.

You see, missions for me isn't about taking a week or two out of my life to spend overseas preaching the word of God.  Now, don't get me wrong, the word of God is VERY important because it is the ONLY way to the Father, but to me it is MUCH more than that.  Missions is holistic.  It encompasses the physical, emotional, and the spiritual needs of people around the world.  I see the future of missions as almost a revolution.  A revolution where people around the world begin to feel a completion of themselves because ALL of their needs are being met.  In recent years, missions has grown drastically.  Many avenues have been opened up to missionaries around the world through teaching, construction, radio broadcasting and much more.  You name it, it's probably being done in some form or fashion.

In my ministry I know that the Lord has given me a passion for children, specifically orphans.  Many orphanages take in children and keep them until they are of legal age and then send them back out on the streets to fend for themselves.  I think it's great that orphanages take in children, but I believe we as believers should equip the children we take in.  We should equip them to becoming an outstanding citizen in their community and their country.  Ways of equipping them to become that great person that God has intended them to be is by giving them resources that will help them succeed when they are on their own and forming their own families.  We should teach them to sew, cook, raise cattle, raise crops, and give them the proper education to succeed.  I know of a missionary and his family who have taken this idea and are now blessing 80 children in Venezuela with their ministry.  Gary and Patty Heiney, with the help of the Lord, have started such an amazing ministry.


This subject is one of the most meaningful and personal to me.  My heart is for missions, especially Venezuela.  So, I hope you read this and gain a better insight as to where I see my future.