Friday, November 1, 2013

Moving on

I'm back in the land of blogs. Well, for now. I realize I pretty much stink at updating my blog these days. Sorry about that.

This post may be all over the place, but I hope you're able to follow.

After the girls left in September, things got crazy. My life was turned upside down, and I was struggling with managing my emotions and reorganizing my life to serve a family of five rather than seven. I'll admit, this has been one of the worst transitions I've been through. I've never been one to fully embrace transitions, but this time I had no choice but to hang on and hope that I survived. Oh! Good news.

I did.

I survived.

Not only did I survive, but I am managing quite well considering what I went through in September.  Of course I have my insanely emotional moments where I just want to put on my comfy pants and a baggy t-shirt, crawl under my covers and cry for no apparent reason, but then those moments pass. I move on.

My life the last month and a half has been completely centered around our three kids. They keep me going. They have brought so much meaning to my life, and I am so thankful for them.

I've had a mommy and son date where I took him to the park and fed the ducks, played, and laughed together.  We've been to the park as a family to explore the cave and to observe the beauty that fall brings to our neighborhood. We've also taken the children to Rutledge Wilson Farm to explore their pumpkin patch. And as of yesterday, we were able to participate in trick or treating with OUR KIDS for the first time.

I'm amazed at where we are in life right now. This time last year I was still wiping away tears as I read blogs of mommas taking their kiddos out the night before. Pictures of their excursions were on ever social media site. But this year was different. Some days I wonder just how we got here, and other days I am smacked in the face by exactly what circumstances brought us to where we are now. No matter the circumstances we've been through, I will always be thankful for where we are today.

We have three beautiful children that I adore. They'll never fully understand the depth of my love for them. The love I have for them extends far beyond their comprehension. I love them so much that I never want to spend a day of my life without them. They fill that hole inside my heart that has been there for years as I longed for children. But, I also love them so much that if their parents were able to truly get their lives together and were able to take care of the children the way they deserve, I would hand them back over to them because that is where they belong.

That's the hard part of being a foster parent. Knowing that we may have to say goodbye one day but loving them unconditionally while they're with you is so hard, but it is SO worth it. We have to allow ourselves to love. To hurt. To move past situations that arise. But that doesn't mean we ever forget.

We will never forget all of the memories we shared with the girls during those four months they were in our home. I will always love them. Always. We'll never forget the girls, but we had to move on. We have three amazing kiddos to love, nurture, and cherish.  We owe it to them to let go of our hurt and give them all of our attention.

Here's to a new transition. I'm moving on.

1 comment:

  1. I am very happy you are in a better place and enjoyed Halloween! I am very confused as to what is going on and feel like I missed things or maybe missed some posts. Have you adopted 3 children?!! And did you lose two foster children in September? I am sure being a foster parent is so hard when you have to give up the children after caring and loving them so much. You and your husband are very strong and kind people to be able to handle so much. Those kids are so lucky to have known you and been loved by you :)


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