Tuesday, February 21, 2012

For everything there is a season

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven. --Ecclesiastes 3:1

For Luke and myself, a season in life has ended, and a new one is beginning.  The days of trying to plan pregnancy, going to doctors visits, having blood drawn, peeing in a cup, and worrying about funding for "more evasive treatments" is over.  

Even though we received nothing but good news at our IVF consultation on Friday, we have made a decision to not pursue IVF.  The decision wasn't solely ours, but initially it was.  After looking at the numbers on paper, it just wasn't going to be an option for us.  The only option we had was to request a loan, and last night we received notice that we would not be able to receive the amount requested in order to do IVF.  So, the decision was made for us.  We're going to be living childless.  Adoption isn't an option, either.  It, too, costs as much or more than IVF. 

Am I okay with living my life without a child to call my own? No, my heart is aching.
Will I be okay?  Only time will tell, but my guess is yes, I will be--eventually.
Do I wish I could give my parents the grandchildren they deserve?  More than anything!
Is this permanent?  Yes, this will be permanent, but I continue to hope and pray that at some point in the future the Lord will bring about a miracle for us or open up a door for the opportunity to adopt or pursue IVF.  I must always remember: For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.--Jeremiah 29:11

I choose to believe that the Lord is going to use this new season in life to work in and through our lives, and everything that happens in and through us will be to glorify Him.


  1. I am sorry to hear that you were not approved for the loan. I hope sometime in the future your luck changes and you will be able to have your child. Don't give up hope yet. You're an AMAZING person. I firmly believe that miracles happen to amazing people. xoxo

  2. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know how much you want this. I don't think it necessarily means God is saying no. He might be saying you have more seeking to do.


  3. Oh Sweetie, my heart is aching for you. I know all the emotions you are experiencing. I thought IVF was out of my reach as well, but one day I just happened to get insurance with a company that covered fertility treatment at 80%,including IVF. It's a long shot but miracles happen every day. Looking back on those years I waited, I know it was all part of God's plan for me.I thought He had deserted me but God does things in His time, not ours. I know it's hard, it would be so much easier if we could see His plan, just know there is a plan and we just have to wait for it to unfold. My heart still breaks for you. No children right now doesn't mean childless forever. Never stop hoping.

  4. Interesting timing. This is the first time I came across your blog. I am the mom of 4 great kids all through the blessing of adoption. Each uniquely arranged by God. He first answered my prayer of desperation shortly after my 7th miscarriage in 5 years. We'd spent years in infertility treatments with no real answers or solutions. After years on the same side of the empty crib you are on I can tell you the ache in your heart will lead you to the path that God has for you to fulfill your dream. I will join you in prayer for guidance, peace and the provision you need to fulfill this in the perfect way you need to go. It started with me a little over 18 years ago with a phone call that would lead to the open adoption of my son. Then 2 years later to Russia for my oldest daughter who was then 8 years old. A lot of time would pass before a clear vision of a little Asian girl took us in 2005 to China for our precious little princess Hannah (now 7) and then back again last year for Lauren who is 6. It's been an interesting journey to fill that ache and make a difference in not only the lives of my husband and I, but in 4 kids lives too. God bless.

  5. I am humbled by your amazing willingness to accept life on God's terms. I believe with all my heart in miracles, and pray for God's will and blessing in your life.

    I read you previous post about taking your blog private and completely understand.

    Our God is an amazing God. Trusting Him is the only option.

    Blessings and prayers to you.

  6. I can't imagine :(. Please let me know if you need anything.

  7. Alicia, I'm sooooo sorry that this isn't working out for you right now. I will continue to pray for your miracle. I'm so proud of your faith in the Lord. His timing is prefect, and he has a time for you. I just have this feeling that since you've accepted a childless life, you're going to get your miracle sooner than you think. maybe God doesnt want you to pay for ivf or adoption, because he plans on giving you a child the natural way!! Bigggg hugs! <3

  8. I'm so sorry, Alicia. I will be continuing to pray for you in this period of waiting and relying on God. While his answers are not always what we want to hear, I'm praying that he will give you the strength and peace you need to face whatever lies ahead. Praying for many blessings - big and small.

  9. Alicia, I am so very sorry. This must be a really tough time for you. Praying for a miracle for you, one way or another.


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