What Google taught me

When I first realized that my blog was taken off the internet by Google without my permission, I was angry.  Seriously, angry.  I bet I typed the URL to my blog 50 times by hand (rather than going to my bookmarks) in hopes to get it to pull up.  But, nothing.  I sent requests to Google in hopes of finding out why I couldn't access my blog, but again, nothing. 

A few days went by, and my anger turned into sadness.  I missed my only connection to the people who understand what I am going through the most.  I missed my bloggy friends and reading about their lives.  I even started a second blog just so that I could post and try and find all of my bloggy friends that I follow.  The thought of missing out on important information in your lives that you were willing to share made me sad.  I didn't know if I could find you guys again.  I mean, it took me months to stumble upon each and every one of your blogs, and it took seconds for you all to disappear.  I began to kick myself over and over again for not saving backup copies of my important posts.  No lie, I felt like my life had been taken from me.  Maybe you think that's a little dramatic, but I have spent at least the last nine months pouring my heart out on this blog, and all the sudden everything I had ever felt and talked about was taken from me, and there is nothing I could do about it.  

Needless to say, I'm beyond thankful that I have my blog back!  From now on, any and all "important" posts will be backed up on my computer just in case my blog gets shut down for unexplainable reasons again.

So, I've realized this...

1. Backup any and all important posts because they're more important to me than I realize.
2. My bloggy friends meant more to me than I ever thought.  Each and every one of you.

A heavy heart....

Today was difficult.  I feel like my heart has been ripped into a million pieces.  If you care to know why, continue reading.

1. Today was my (favorite) church pianist's last day.  She's been playing at our church approximately 11 years, and I've been around her for the past two.  I've grown to love her, and she is a VERY dear friend of mine.  I basically held it together during the services, but as I told her goodbye in the parking lot tonight, tears began to flow down my cheeks.  I knew this day was coming, but I couldn't keep from getting emotional.  Not only has Pam been an amazing pianist to me during my days of leading worship, she has been an immense blessing to me.  She always has the most positive things to say to me to build me up in faith.  She's been there for me through my highs and lows, and I'm so appreciative of her.  I know you're reading this, Pam, and I want you to know grateful and blessed I feel to have you in my life!
2. Life is changing for me.  For Luke AND myself.  Decisions are being made that will possibly change my future, and it's scary.  I worry about what path this will lead us down.  If there's anything I dislike more than vegetables, it's not knowing what my future holds!  Stay tuned for the new update on our latest decision!  You're gonna wanna sit down to read it!
3. I wrote a blog a week or so ago about feeling like there's something greater out there for me.  I still feel this way.  The only difference is that the feeling has intensified.  I can't seem to shake off this feeling that I have.  I go to bed thinking about it and what could happen.  I wake up in the mornings thinking about it, too.  It seems to be a part of me that goes every where I go, yet it's so far away from me.  I can't pinpoint exactly what it is just yet, but I hope that I find out soon.  I'm going crazy.  Considering I'm the queen of Google (I Google everything!), I wish I could type in a few phrases, and it would tell me exactly what's going on with me and exactly what to do about it!

Well, before this post gets entirely depressing, I'd like to say how thankful I am that I'm blessed with such amazing, supportive, and loving friends!  I'm blessed beyond all measure!  As I've been reminded lately, "You're loved and cherished!"